Over and Out: Recovery and Final Reflections

Dear Papa, and dear Reader,

It is Sunday, and I am sitting at a table at Heathrow on my layover back to the US. What an incredible time in Hamburg it has been, both the race and the time around it. An incredible project has come to an end, and it is time for some reflections.

Let me start with talking about last week. Boy, did my lungs take a hit in the race! I felt surprisingly good right after the race, but in the middle of the night I woke up and had trouble breathing. My lung was hurting badly as well. I started googling (and talking to ChatGPT, as one does nowadays) and quickly found a condition named SIPE (or "Swimmer's Lung") that was hitting every single one of the symptoms and every single one of the conditions that are supposed to trigger it. Reading through it, I realized I had been really lucky that I didn't end up worse, and I started worrying about what recovery will look like and if I would be able to be upright at all today.

I tried to get back to sleep a bit but couldn't, so I lay awake until Jim woke up. I decided to give it a try and get up. Impossible. I was sitting on the side of the bed, breathing heavily and shallowly. Slowly, minute by minute, it got a little better, likely because the fluids that had been sitting all over my lung were now draining to the bottom of it. I got well enough to be able to get dressed, head to the doctor's office that Mama works at, and get a prescription for a cortisone inhaler that would aid my recovery.

The rest of the day, I tried to rest, propped up on the couch to aid my breathing. My legs were hurting as well, and combined with me not being able to breathe well, I had to manage the stairs on all fours for the most part. A very steep decline from the finish line feeling. I didn't feel like an Ironman very much that day, let me tell you.

On Tuesday, our plan was to go to Copenhagen for a three-day trip. After a bit of back-and-forth and debating whether this still made sense under the circumstances, we decided to go and take it really slowly. It was the right call! While Tuesday was still rough, Wednesday started feeling a bit better, Thursday was a lot better, with my legs not being sore anymore either, and Friday almost felt like I was back to normal with maybe a hint of soreness on the lungs still. Whenever I got too excited though and jogged up a flight of stairs, I got hit with a sharp reminder that recovery will take a few weeks. Both my lungs and my whole system will want to take their time, including my heart, which is having an unusually high level of arrhythmic beats almost every hour of the day. But hey, I'm on the way! It is done, and done well!

Yesterday, Mama, my brothers, and I went to Papa's tree so I could say goodbye and return the two leaves that I took to the race with me. They had been on my chest throughout the race, so they had soaked up all the blood, sweat, and tears (and a good amount of Alster water), but now, they were dry and fragile. My little niece Isa built a little heart with sticks, moss, and pine cones right under the tree so I could put the two leaves on there for Papa to take them back. At first, it was a bit hard to let them go, and I was wondering if I should keep them as a memory somewhere in a journal, but then I realized that they were meant to be back with him so he has a keepsake as well.

It was so wonderful to spend the week before the race in the little in-law apartment at my brother's house and be able to spend time with him and his family. He lives only five minutes from Papa's tree, which is why I was able to go several time and basically incorporate a visit into most of the workouts leading up to race day. The area there is so calm and so serene, outside of Hamburg in the fields, and it was perfect to prepare for everything while having our own place to ourselves without having to disturb anyone.

There were so many other cool moments during that week that I don't want to bore you with, except for one other cool thing: Jim and I went to the pros' press conference, and I was able to take selfies with all the pros, including the top 3 women, all three of which broke records.

Meeting Laura Philipp was probably the most memorable one! A fellow German, she won the Ironman World Championships in Nice last year, and it was incredible to meet her on home turf. She ended up not only winning the race, but also crushing the record for the fastest female Ironman ever and the fastest female marathon as part of an Ironman event ever! It was truly inspirational to listen to her answering questions and interacting with the other athletes. Something else I love: Her husband Philipp Seipp is both her coach and her business partner, and he was there supporting her the whole way through, just like Jim. Such a cool experience to meet her!

Now as the high of the race is wearing off, it's time for some reflection before I close out this blog. What has this experience been for me? What have I learned, what have I experienced, what has changed about me?

First of all, I feel such relief. Not only because I was able to actually finish the race, do well in it, and survive it all unscathed. But because I truly feel like a door has opened for me to step out of my immediate grief now. Papa, you were with me throughout my entire training, in all my preparations, on my jersey, in the leaves I carried, and in my heart, body and soul. The race was a climax of my grieving journey and an emotionally cathartic experience that allowed me to let go of some deep seated sadness, sobs and tears that needed to be released. In a way, I feel lighter now. I still miss you the same, and I'm not less sad. But somehow, it's okay now. I can let go and move on.

Second, I have never been this fit in my entire life! Despite always having been tired throughout the journey from all the long hard workouts, the amount of energy that I was feeling was second to none and quite addictive. I felt more awake, more present, and less anxious during these months. I slept better, woke up in a better mood, and experienced no days that I was depressed or down. I was more organized and more productive despite having less time. I was incredibly in shape, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I likely won't be training quite as hard anytime soon, but I will start my training for the half Ironman World Championships in November in a few weeks, and while I also look forward to some recovery, I also will embrace the chance to maintain the momentum I have built up this year.

Third, I feel a deep gratitude. Gratitude to have been able to do this. What a luxury to have had the time, space, and flexibility for such an undertaking! Most people would need to compromise far more than I had to, and I'm aware of it. And then, even more, gratitude for the incredible support I received through Jim! He kicked my butt to the pool when I was having a hard time getting motivated, he even started swimming regularly himself and did all the workouts with me, turning himself into a decent swimmer. He did the indoor and outdoor bike rides with me, all the long hours in the saddle. He fixed my bike, researched gear, got everything ready, packed the bike travel box... But most of all, he never complained! Not a single time! I don't know how I would've done any of this without him being who he is. I owe so much to him, and truly, this is our Ironman, our journey, not mine.

And fourth, I feel so empowered! I never thought of myself as an athlete, and here I am, an Ironman, an All Word Athlete, a qualifier for the Half Ironman World Championships. That's a long way from trying to sneak out of Physical Education at school 30 years ago. It is an incredible experience and lesson to work hard for something, experience yourself getting better and stronger, and then hit the goal you were aiming at. It speaks to the power of planning, dedication, hard work, and the belief that you can do hard things. Whenever I now struggle with a lack of confidence of with self-doubt, wondering if I will be able to do something, I can no recall this experience and know that if I'm not able to do it yet, I certainly can work to get there. And, most of all, I know that I can hang in there. That I can grind things out. That I don't give up when the going gets tough.

All these lessons, Papa, are probably things you wanted me to learn as well and have done your best to teach me during your time here on Earth. Whatever I haven't picked up, you now taught me through this experience.

This is not a goodbye. It's the start of a fresh chapter in the same book. But it will be the last blog post.

I am so incredibly grateful for everybody who have followed along. I've said this in many words in my last post, but I will repeat it: Every one of you has made this experience something special, way beyond just the race. You have helped me believe in myself, you have been my accountability partners, and you've helped create a container in which I was able to pull this off.

If you ever have questions about preparing for an Ironman or anything else, or if you want to reach out to me about something, please never hesitate to send me a message, either here or on social media. I would love to hear from you.

Until then, all my best! And thank you for having been part of my journey!

Kathrin