T-41 weeks: "It's like running through a sauna!"

Dear Papa, and dear Reader,

It's Sunday evening, and I'm sitting in my Normatec compression boots after my last run of the week today. A bit more than 8 miles / 13 km, but slow and easy. Although the temperatures have been coming down this week, it was still in the low 80s / 28 Celsius at 7pm in the evening, and the humidity with the regular evening thunderstorms makes the air feel even thicker. I can't wait for fall.

During today's run, I had to think of an adventure that you and I were on, almost exactly 10 years ago to the day. You had come over to the States with Uncle Rainer to visit me in California, and we rented a gigantic RV and toured through the national parks.

On most mornings, we went on runs together. One particular run will always stay in my memory: It was in the desert of Panamint Valley, just across the mountain range from Death Valley, where we would be headed later that day.

It was incredibly hot, even in the early morning, but we both wanted to experience a desert run. So we got up early, each grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, and took off running down the freeway towards the pass to Death Valley. The plan was that Uncle Rainer would drive the RV our direction an hour later, pick us up wherever he would pass us, and we would park somewhere, shower, and have breakfast.

It was an amazing adventure! The sun was slowly rising, and the heat came on. It felt like every minute added another degree, as we were running on a slight downhill through the desert. Not a sound around us, but a sweet smell in the dry air. So peaceful, yet also somewhat scary: If Rainer wouldn't pick us up by the time we ran out of Gatorade, the heat would get scary without the air conditioning.

"It's like running through a sauna," I remember you saying towards the end of that run, "only that there's no door out when you get too hot."

When I remembered this today, tears started filling my eyes immediately. You loved the sauna so much, you even built your own in the backyard. And the sauna was the last thing you did, right before your tragic accident that put you in a coma.

This desert run memory is so precious to me today! Who can say they ran with their dad in the middle of the desert of Panamint Valley? You really were one of a kind, Dad!

This week was only one hour and about 3,300 yrds (3000m) of swimming. All in one session. I have no real excuse, only bad ones. I'm sure I could've arranged around it, but I didn't. Swimming is still by far the hardest to get motivated for. Improvements are slow and minor, and it takes a ton of time to get to the pool and back, so net workout time is much less compared to the hours I put into running and cycling. I need to get better next week and really prioritize the work in the pool.

On the other side, I'm happy with my cycling, which is by far the longest discipline out of all three of them. The totals this week on the other two disciplines were 6 hours and 110 miles / 175 km of cycling and 4.5 hours and 26 miles / 42 km of running. I also did an hour of yoga, the first time in forever, and it reminded my tight body about the need to stretch more with all these workouts. Next week is another challenging week that will end with a 10-mile race in Annapolis together with my triathlon team, which I'm really looking forward to.

I miss you, Papa! I still think about you every day! Today, I met a sweet girl in her twenties at a social gathering who asked me how often I go back to Germany. I mentioned that this year was different and only briefly told her what happened. She looked me deep in the eye and said, "you know that he's still with you, right? He will always be." In those moments, the tears are right there. That's how I know how thin the layer above my grief still is. Any mention of you is enough to crack the surface.

I love you, Papa! And she's right. You're always with me. I can feel it!

Kathrin

P.S. Dear Reader, if you have comments, questions, memories, or thoughts to share, please leave a comment (and leave your name in the comment so I know who it's from). I would love to hear from you!

Go to the full list of blog posts or read more about the project Ironman for Papa