T-38 weeks: "Swim hard, so you can sleep!"

Dear Papa, and dear Reader,

Late last night, right before I closed my eyes to sleep, I realized I hadn't written my weekly letter to you yet! I was filled with shame and fell asleep that way, and as a result, I dreamed of you all night. Sometimes, my dreams of you are happy memories, and I only get sad waking up. But this time, I dreamed of you after the accident in the hospital bed. I remember letting out a really long, loud, and desperate scream, and I woke up right after, realizing that the scream was only in my dream. It's crazy how often I still dream of you. And as much as that hurts, I also hope it will never stop!

Yesterday, I finished my last half marathon of the season - it was less than a minute slower than my last one at 1:49 late last year, but it was much hillier. The grade adjusted pace on this one was 8:15 min/mile (5:08 min/km), which would actually put me about a minute faster if it were a flat course like the last one was. So, you know what? I'll just count this as a personal best!

I'm starting to love running more and more. I used to dread the swim, love the bike, and tolerate the run, but bit by bit, I'm getting more into that last leg of the triathlon discipline. Running is really where my journey started, and although I never was a great runner, I feel like I have countless wonderful memories and friends that I've shared running with over the years, and I have raced in countries and continents around the world. It has a special part in my life, just like cycling does, and I should honor it more as such.

This week is my last "build" week! The last big hurrah for this season, where I give it all I have left. Because next week I will already start tapering for the race, and the week after is already race week - the last race of the season, the Half Ironman New York. Last week's report: 3 hours and 10,200 yds / 9.300m of swimming, 6.25 hours and 120 miles / 190km of cycling, and 4 hours and 26.5 miles / 42,5km of running. This week, I will do about the same before heading into the taper and letting my body recover - and then, give it my ALL on the flat course at Jones Beach. A lot of friends from my triathlon team will be racing too, and I can't wait for the fun!

I have to tell you about something else. Usually, I swim in the early morning, but last week, I went to the pool later, at about 7:30pm. It was a different vibe, it was dark outside, and a memory came back up: When we were little kids, we all used to go to the pool at night before we would make the drive to visit grandma and grandpa. And the reason was very practical, like everything you did!

It was a long drive, and you and mom clearly didn't want four kids lamenting in the back of the car. So you took us to the pool and told us kids: "Swim hard, so you can sleep on the way to Münster." And so we did. After we were done, you would load us into the van (we had little mattresses in the back where we would lie down and sleep) while you and mom were making the drive through the night. I remember waking up when we got there, and you carried us into grandpa's house and dropped us right into bed. All those memories came rushing back as I swam that evening. And it was still good advise: I swam hard! And yes. I could sleep.

Tim sends pictures regularly when he visits your tree, Papa. I miss being closer to you in Germany. But you don't need to worry about anything or anyone of us. On the contrary: I think you would really enjoy seeing how we have all come together even more and how we, and especially Tim, handle what you have left. And maybe, somehow, you actually still see it. I want to believe that you do!

I love you, Papa! Until next week!

Kathrin

P.S. Dear Reader, if you have comments, questions, memories, or thoughts to share, please leave a comment (and leave your name in the comment so I know who it's from). I would love to hear from you!

Go to the full list of blog posts or read more about the project Ironman for Papa